What I’ve Learned in a Year of Being Single
by Anna
As I lay in bed last night, I was thinking of what I shall do the next day. It seemed weird having to think about an activity to commemorate the anniversary of the end of a relationship but I knew I had to do something.
And there’s still this necklace that needed to be disposed. He gave it to me during our first month together. This was the last gift in my possession, mainly because it’s something I couldn’t donate to charity, unlike the others. Over the past year, I could have conveniently tossed it in the trash bin, or romanticize it à la Pinoy blockbusters and throw it when in Sagada or the ocean. Yet, I intended that the act not only be significant, but also purposeful. I wanted to make new memories in a place where I would intentionally leave a remembrance. Those seven years allowed us to make a lot of memories in different places, but I could only choose one.
And I thought, what better place to visit than our alma mater, FEU? It’s only fitting that I look back to where it started, and to see how a different person I am now compared to the girl I was. Also, where else but in the University Belt can I find the most concentration of food, thrift book stores, and cats? I digress.
It has been a long time since I’ve been to Morayta. The place felt foreign and familiar at the same time. I walked along the paths we used to take and ate the food we used to eat. Coming from España, I took that footbridge at P. Campa, had lunch at Mang Inasal near PRC, munched on street foods at R. Papa, walked that row of computer shops and fast food restaurants in front of our school, and stopped by the many book stores at Recto. I could have walked along Mendiola, too, but being victimized by pickpockets and snatchers was a risk I didn’t want to take.
I took in the sights and the sounds, and I remembered both the good times and the bad. There was a certain liberation and joy in me when I realized I felt serene and unperturbed, in spite of the fact that I was in the place where we shared the most memories. I genuinely liked my visit. It was good to be back.
As my time to go home neared, I stood in front of one of the gates of FEU, said a little prayer, and dropped the necklace. People would pass by in and out of this gate, oblivious to that thing under their feet. A thing is nothing more but a thing until you put value into it. The dreams, plans, and promises accompanying that necklace have long been broken; thus, it’s nothing more but a piece of metal.
“If any, love encourages you to fly.”
What I value though is not the necklace, but the lessons I have learned from the culmination of everything that has happened. I wish I could write about them more eloquently, but I would be writing for a lifetime if I did. Nonetheless, here is a list I created. It’s less cohesive than I would have liked it to be, but honest and heartfelt just the same:
1
God must be in the center of the relationship. If you love God first, you learn to love each other better.
2
Love entails sacrifice, but love also never imposes to clip another person’s wings.
If any, love encourages you to fly.
3
Don’t get married just because you’ve been together for a long time. Similarly, don’t feel obliged to stay in a relationship just because you’ve been in it for long.
4
Love that is begged for is not worth having.
5
If your friends and family say he’s not good for you, then, most probably he isn’t. Red flag if he imposes you to cut off good, harmless connections.
6
What you allow is what will continue. At any point in the story, you have the power to decide that THIS. ENDS. HERE.
7
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Show love to yourself first.
8
You can’t earn what you don’t give.
Show respect to yourself and to others.
9
You must not put your full trust in people because we are all faulty beings. It is wisest to put our trust in God.
10
Don’t go on believing that you can never be happy without that person. No human can give you happiness all the time, and it’s unfair to put that weight on others. Our joy comes from the Lord.
11
You are your own person.
You are not a property.
12
It is not your job to change another person.
13
Privacy is different from secrecy.
14
More than praying for the right person, pray (and strive) so that you’ll be the right person.
15
Sometimes, you have to grant forgiveness to an apology you never received. Forgiveness is crucial to moving on. If you still expect to get something from that person, then you have not fully forgiven.
16
You cannot connect the dots looking forward, only backward. Someday, it will all make sense.
17
No matter how deep the damage inflicted, remember that you are valuable, you are loved, and you can rise above this.
18
There are many great people out there who will see your worth. And when you do get to meet that person God has intended for you, you will realize why the last one did not work out.
I’m sure I have missed a lot of things, but for all intents and purposes, this will be sufficient for now. (Also, this was way too long.) Life has a way of reinforcing to us the lessons we have learned, and this is just the first year anyway. It can only get better from here.
